I will be making one of the hardest decisions ever. I just hope husband understands where I am coming from. Or may he enlighten me to do the right decision should I am making the wrong one.
The Rich dad and the Wise Son
One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
“It was great, Dad.”
“Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked.
“Oh yeah,” said the son.
“So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.
The son answered: “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
“We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
“We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
“We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”
Then his son added, “Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.”
The Poor Family
I have noticed that since our Second Son transferred to a new school, he somehow became conceited. Or perhaps my mom spoils him so much that she even bought him shoes worth P12,000.00 a pair. And every time they go out, my son brings home new and branded shirts and pants. I have already mentioned to my mother to stop spoiling the boys.
I could see that unlike his two other brothers, our Second Son can’t handle wealth that much. It affected his dealings with his classmates and even bullied one. That bullying caused him to be kicked off the honors roll.
I plan to transfer him to the school where he studied elementary. It is a small Montessori near our place but it provided great foundation to the boys. The tuition is way more affordable compared to the all-boys school where he attended grade 7. He is an incoming grade 8 stude this school year.
I would want my boys to see that life is not all bed of roses. We have failed to guide our Second Son that and the only way I am seeing to correct that is let him go back to the humble life he had once. Husband disagreed. Even my boy didn’t approve of my decision. He didnt tell me, though, but his actions speak so loudly.
Wealth can be a blessing or a curse. Some people can handle wealth, while others easily got overwhelmed. Sadly for our Second Son, he just can’t handle everything on his plate.
The humble life
We are not rich. We struggle most of the time. My mom though, who still works big time, can afford to buy anthing the boys desire. She has a company and the bank account. And though I have told her a lot of times not to spoil my boys, she keeps on providing their needs and wants. Now, I am having problems with my Second Son.
Should I bring my son back to a more humble environment?
Well, i think its quite a tough decision. But if that’s in my case, i might bring him back to a more humble environment. We are not rich but once in a while we get to spoiled the kids too. But whenever we splurge into something we kept it as a secret. Like if we’ll buy them shoes or if i was the one who’ll buy an expensive bag or if their Dad would buy an expensive watch. We see to it that they will never know the price we paid for it like its just an ordinary watch or bag. Likewise when we give them things we do not declare the value. And we always remind them that we were able to buy this because we work hard for it. You cannot just get it from other people and its not easy to earn the money we paid for. We should always teach our kids that values, relationships and family is far more valuable than that of material things.
Ohhh this sounds tough. I’m not a mom, but if I did have a kid, I would want him/her to live a kind, humble life, regardless of what I can afford. Maybe instead of taking him away from this world he’s now becoming more familiar with, talk to him? I know it’s easier said than done, but if you take him away, then in the real world he’s put back into this similar situation, it might be worse. It’s not the money that makes people change. It’s how they let riches control their behaviour. I suggest you talk it through with him. Hope things go well.
This is tricky. Although, you cannot find fault in your mum trying to spoil her grandson with things she can afford, anyway, it is difficult not to make your son feel affluent or entitled. I guess a sit-down with mum discussing the ill effects of her spoiling will be a great idea.
I agree with your decision to transfer your son to his previous school, being humble is a great wisdom we can impart on our children and the sooner they learn the value of it, the better.
I think you made a wise decision. I heard a story like yours and the students was transferred to our school which is a public school. There, he learned how to manage his money because he’s seeing different types of students who doesn’t even have their allowance and only walks to school and bring some baon. I think if your boy is surrounded by the reality of life, he will learn to accept it and deal with` it. Perhaps he might even downgrade his lifestyle when he meet other peers.
Sometimes that is one of the disadvantages if the kids go to private school. I heard so many stories na nagagaya talaga sa classmate and nabubully sila pag cheap lang suot. So far hindi pa naman alam ng anak ko ang branded sa hindi and I hope hindi kami umabot sa ganito. I always tell him na that we are not rich so be thankful kung ano meron kami.
this is why we parents should guide them very well, teach them the value of money and other things
Grandparents always spoil their grandchildren in various ways. I really don’t think you failed your second son in some point. I guess they really need to learn that in some way, maybe on their own. They may need to fight that struggle and realize at some point. I think it’s better that way than to spoon feed them with what they need to know or do.
Wow. This is really a tough situation. I don’t have yet the mother instincts so I don’t know the right answer to this dilemma. I am sure though that whatever decision you take, your boys will understand, maybe not now but in the future. On a note on your mother, I just think that she wants to spend time and give affection to her grandson. But then again, everything in excess is bad. Good luck on this decision, I know you will do well. 🙂 Advance happy mother’s day too! 😀
Mom knows the best.So,your decision will be a wise idea as your kid is still young.It will not affect him much in negative way.Recently I took such decision to change the preschool of my kid as I saw he was becoming stubborn day by day.But,after 2 weeks at new preschool,my kid is really happy and his behaviour is changing for the positive side.Your son will have the courage to face the challenges.And he will admire this in future!
What a beautiful story, so touching! Wishing you also a Happy Mommy’s Day! Your kids are lucky to have you, love hearing the stories about your kids on your blog! 😀
Well, it is definitively an interesting story but also a tough decision to make. But I think you have made it well and I would do exactly the same if I had to choose. We want to protect our children from everything but it is better that they are aware of the real life. It will help them in future and make them better men.
I believe that we should live by example and our kids will follow, if we set the right expectations and they understand that example that is being set. For me, I think that children should be taught how to earn their rewards. It’s how I grew up, so I would pass on the same learning to my son. I also agree with the responses above, that kids must realize real life isn’t able life being handed out to you but something you make the most of. Praying you make a sound decision regarding this.
Beautiful story with so many lessons to take home. You know, children who always get what they want do not automatically become spoiled. It is how their parents make them understand little things like learning to wait, hard work and appreciation are what matters. Communication is always the key. Remember to talk to them and let them know how you feel.
Like the others, I think it’s ok that he gets to see a different life scenario also. Us, we were very, very poor, growing up. Parents could not even afford to buy us a Jollibee meal back then. That is something that I like to take with me as a reminder na di magwaldas ng pera. I plan to take Nate sa bukid when he grows up, I want him to see and experience first hand ang hirap at hopefully, matuto sya that way also. Good luck on your plans with Miguel. Hugs!
Ideally, other people, even our own relatives, must respect our decisions as parents. While I understand some grandparents’ desire to spoil their grandchildren, it mustn’t come to the point wherein the child will feel entitled. I hope your mom realizes this because she plays a big role on what happened to your son. I pray you and your hubby will come together and make the best decision for your son and your entire family.
I think the family is just growing bigger and growing outward the bounds of parents embraces… At times, growing leads to learning both thru right choices and wrong decisions. I sure know what my choice is if to transfer or not. Allow me to ask one simple question. Is it an error transferring the lad to the school in the first place? Of course finances can sure point out to a much affordable school but is the school really the problem.
We all are unique with different ways to deal and cope with events and happenings.
However, we are just fosters to our children. They are given to use to guide but they are never ours.
To use we need to double time on loving more, teaching simplicity and humility more, and moving to love to the best we can do because we are family.
I agree, sometimes grandparents didn’t know that we are instilling values to our children, they sometimes even thought we are just depriving them. Di ba?
But like most moms said here, it is a tough decision, but always go back to your unique family values. Will your decision drive you closer to that value you are trying to teach your child? Praying with you sis.
Okay, I know this is late. haha but, I think the reason we go to school is for EDUCATION (academic wise first)…our parents spend great amounts because there is really something worth it in that school.
For me, I will let him stay in the school for now. I’m sure a time will come with much guidance that he will learn how to deal with these things. We cannot remove them from the environment that they will soon even face in the future. We just have to really guide them. I want to share my personal story about this, that is why I’d rather have him stay in the, I believe a good school.
In our community, I was the only one studying in an exclusive private school. The rest of my playmates where in public schools near us. I was not really aware of such things. All I knew was I was attending school. When I was in grade 5, I think, I got this attitude from my elite classmates regarding calling other girls “parang squatter” kumilos. It was in a funny way, not really offensive. I used it at home with my brother, in a very bad way. Like if he acted in a wild manner, I would tell him “para kang squatter kumilos!” My mom got furious. She scolded me and reminded me that we are not living in a rich community. That the people around us may even act like squatters because they live in squatters area. It broke me, but it built me as well. From that time on, I learned to be humble when it comes to dealing with other people and looking at my situation differently. There was even a time that I would use the word “sh@t” because it was cool for the elites in our class. My mom asked me if I knew the meaning and the tagalog word for it. It’s as if that was what’s going out of my mouth every time I would use or say the word.
Now, academic wise…I APPRECIATE NOW everything, as in everything I’ve learned from that prestigious school. Even if I transferred to another school because we moved abroad, the things I’ve learned from that expensive school was just really worth every penny. =)
Ang haba..haha sana naintindihan mo…haha Anyway, I believe all you want is the best for your son. =) My second is nearly the same as your second son’s attitude. =)