A wife’s reflection on her husband’s musings

Jul 17, 2019 | Live, Only Berlin

A man’s success is measured by what his wife and children say about him. Money and accomplishments mean nothing if you let your home fail.

The husband would always tell me to delegate.

When I was still working as a trainer and marketing person, I would want to do things on my own than delegate. Soon I’ve realized that style wasn’t helpful. Not only did I stress myself for finishing everything from conceptualization to implementation and even reporting, I only showed a lack of trust and leadership. And for me to go up, I need that leadership skill.

Now that I’m a stay at home mom, I still do most household chores myself. And not only do I end up so tired but often feel unappreciated when the boys seem not to care.

What am I trying to tell here?

I saw a note from husband‘s work table. Husband is a structural engineer and he has a dozen and more men working as laborers, masons, electricians, and carpenters. He is also a real estate broker and has around a hundred agents under his care. He is quite the busy man, often leaving early to manage both his construction and real estate business. He comes home very late at night, and sometimes, would spend the night at the site barracks instead.

Anyway, I saw this note from husband’s work station. I felt the invisible heavy baggage he is carrying. He is our family’s sole breadwinner and hundreds of people are dependent on him for everyday food and the likes. The pressure must be too much but knowing my husband, he remains positive. He reflects. He acts.

A wife's reflection on her husband's musings

A wife’s reflection on her husband’s musings

He puts into writing this reminder to constantly tell himself to know his priorities.

That perhaps is what’s missing in my system – classifying the work in front of me.

Classify work according to 3 types:

a. only me

b.  can be delegated

c. not mine

Chances are, out of my eagerness to prove myself or because I can’t say no to others, I always take several responsibilities. And most of these to-dos fall well outside the realm of my core role or time.

I may say, I am too old for enjoying challenges and demonstrating my skills. I’ve had tremendous opportunities that proved I could go beyond my limitation. I was able to genuinely handle successful projects, both professionally and at a personal level. At 40, I have proven to myself and even to the people around me that I CAN. Thus, there is no need to prove to anyone else my worth.

At my age and with a big family to care for, I must be enjoying the moment instead. Thus, taking heed of husband’s advice, I must know how to classify work that’s mine, for delegation, and those not for me.

My primary concern

Drop all “only me” work that does not bring value to Joema and family.

My responsibility as a mother is to prepare food for my family. I know household chores such as cleaning the house, washing and ironing the clothes fall under my care, too. But that doesn’t mean I embrace everything as mine alone. I can delegate. I may ask the boys to help me with some, especially if they are free to help. Looking after the two little ones is my priority, too, but I also have three teenagers who can help me from time to time.

Someone Else’s Work

Tidying up someone else’s garbage, for instance, is one time-sucking and highly infuriating task. It doesn’t contribute both to my professional and personal development. If I do not want to do it again, I must have the courage to tell our neighbors to do it themselves. After all, it is their trash, thus they need to dispose of it properly. I must not be afraid to shift the responsibility off my plate.

Someone else’s tasks are those that do not contribute to my professional and personal advancement. Such additional requests to demonstrate my skills but might compromise the quality of my current work are also for someone else’s and not mine. I must know when and how to decline and just focus on what’s already on my plate.  To add, saying no doesn’t mean I am no team player. It only means I am setting boundaries, always committed to delivering high-value outputs, and prioritizing work that truly is for me.

A wife’s reflection on her husband’s musings

I went back to my husband’s note to self. 

Joema’s job is to …. create a home built on integrity, justice, understanding, and love. 

There may be many times we do not agree on things.  He has a few opinions I totally disapprove of but still, he remains the man who puts value to integrity, compassion, and love – the very qualities that made me fall for him 23 years ago.    

16 Comments

  1. Julie Olleres

    ang galing nmn niyan mommy❤️❤️❤️

    Reply
  2. Ma.Catherine Matugas

    Ang gaLing Naman momsh . Dapat talaga may ganyan para di mo mkalimutan mga gagawin mo sa dami Ng gawaing say sobrang busy mo … Ako nag papasalamat kasi stay at home mom ako para maalagaan nag iisang anak namin tapos sya Sobrang bc sa work halos Wala na kaming time mag usap minsan uuwi sya para kumain nalang at matulog . Kaya thanks God Kasi bnigyan nya ko Ng responsible na partner ^_^

    Reply
  3. Fully Housewifed! (@fullyhousewifed)

    It’s great to see a husband take his place as the head of the family, knowing his priorities and implementing his values. You’re blessed.

    As for delegation, yes, that is so true. Now that I work from home and do many other things, there’s just too much on my plate that I learned to delegate some work to my crew — my kids, haha!

    They now wash the dishes, sweep floors, take care of filling up water…and surely they will have more to do when we move to our new home in the South. 🙂 Ganyan din ako katulad mo dati – ayoko ng ibang katrabaho haha

    Reply
  4. Marichu

    I totally agree on this. Di pwedeng tayo lahat gagawa for everyone. Not only it is not healthy, it will also not helpful to the family.

    Reply
  5. Czjai Reyes-Ocampo

    Nakakatuwa naman si husband mo, very thoughtful, and very considerate of others.

    Reply
  6. mamaspeaksagain

    Through delegating, the subordinates get a feeling of importance too. It does not only give you more time to spend on things that matter, but also allows your staff (or in your case your family) to develop themselves.

    Reply
  7. Karen

    I admit, my husband is more systematic than me, though he’s not expressive, leaving notes like your hubby usually do.

    Reply
  8. Jhanis

    Aww such a great husband and father. And you sound like a very awesome mom. It can be so easy to get sucked in on the “need” to get things done even if it’s not our responsibility. We always think “kaya naman” pero nakaka drain din.

    Reply
  9. Jen

    Sometimes I do tend to do most of the things, but I totally agree that we have to ask help and delegate. You are blessed with a wonderful husband! 😉

    Reply
  10. Emiliana

    Your husband sure knows how to prioritize things.

    Reply
  11. Edel San

    Nice reflections. Although most Filipinos are not “sanay” when it comes to delegating stuff, they’d rather do/finish the work themselves.

    Reply
  12. momhandsarefull

    I don’t like delegating, too so I often get tired. I even get mad at the husband for not helping out. Then I realized, I should stop focusing on and counting what he doesn’t do at home and pay more attention to what he is doing for us 🙂

    Reply
  13. Peachy A.

    This is a great idea. I will probably add this to my daily morning routine it will relieve me of stress and get more done at the end of the day.

    Reply
  14. one proud momma

    I so love delegating but the problem is, ME hahaha.. It’s coz I expect the people to do the very same thing I would do or the result is the same kung ako ang agagwa. Most often than not, hindi ganun ang nangyayare. SO, I’d rather do it myself than delegate. But, sometimes, we get so overloaded and you don’t have a choice.

    Hubbies like that I really admire coz it says one thing, he loves his family so much! <3

    Reply
  15. Jareds_mum

    It really is a must to make a list of all your to-do’s to not lose sight of your purpose and priorities. It is also my practice to list down what I needed to do for the day lest I might miss some of them. They say it is more effective if you will do this the night before.

    In another note, husbands really have a lot on their shoulders but they never give up. An indication of how much they love their family.

    Reply

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Motherhood, as I live it, is a gift not everyone can appreciate until she learns to truly live it. More musings and realizations, fun discoveries, and mommy tips at Momi Berlin's blog.

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