Aside from Momi Berlin, this mom also writes for PSST.Ph. It is an online magazine that tells the stories Filipinos want to read and need to read about. It features relevant articles and news written by Filipinos for Filipinos here and abroad. I usually contribute about relationships, parenting, and child-related stories as these are the topics I love the most.
Recently, I wrote about How to Deal with Unplanned Pregnancy. My intention for writing the story was to help those who are overwhelmed or perhaps devastated about their surprise pregnancy. The article mainly focuses on how a mother handles the news of another pregnancy after just giving birth a year ago. Such a challenging situation many moms face alone because they do not know who to approach to. First, they worry about what others would say about them. Second, they just cannot accept the fact that they are indeed with a child – again.
I started with the article with my head dictating what to write. At the middle of my writing, I felt it was already my heart talking as I let my fingers type spontaneously. Then I have realized that perhaps, I pitched the story to my editor because I want to address the topic to myself. I have been silently dealing the same problem for months.
Yes, I am pregnant. And it is unplanned.
Hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies
The unplanned pregnancy
I do not want to label my pregnancy as unwanted. It would hurt the little human inside me for sure. But I know as well I have been hurting her all along. I am so indifferent to her. No more singing to her or caressing my tummy the same way I did with my previous pregnancies. I have not seen my obstetrician/gynecologist for more than a month now nor bother to buy a new set of vitamins. My attention has always been to my 18-months old son. And I still carry him and breastfeed him even though I would feel pain. I let him climb on my chest and let him sleep there. My doctor told me once I should not let my boy do that to me as it may hurt the baby inside my tummy. I just do not care. Or seem not to care.
Accepting my unplanned pregnancy
The Unplanned Pregnancy article talked about acceptance. That is it ok to cry and not to hold back the emotions. The mother should let herself completely experience the shock, worry, and fear. Having felt the unpleasant feelings, she would certainly not allow herself to live like that forever. That would be the time then she needs to readdress her feeling and detach from sadness. She needs to move forward and entertain the excitement of what having a baby brings.
Though I was able to detach from the pain, I haven’t welcomed the excitement part yet. Instead, I became indifferent. Or perhaps I haven’t fully accepted my faith. I still haven’t shared the news with my children and with my mother. I only have select friends who are aware of my situation. Others learned of my pregnancy because they have seen my growing tummy.
Anticipating my baby’s gender
I would be honest, though. I tried the Old Wives Tales on gender prediction, and the majority of the results led to a boy. But silently, I am praying for a girl. I still have a month to know the gender through ultrasound and somehow that’s what keeps me going. So I still see hope in me. That though it is taking time for me to accept my pregnancy fully, I haven’t lost hope to hope. Perhaps it has been my longing to have a baby girl that pushes me to dream. After all, I am always a firm believer of –
The power of hope| From the movie Shawshank Redemption
Hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies
I came from an event this afternoon. After dropping off two of my blogger friends at their destination, I was left alone inside the car. I adjusted the volume of the radio and sang along with the artist. Then I felt a sudden kick from the inside. I have read once that babies tend to move mostly in response to what is happening in their environment. The noise, light or even food may stimulate them into kicking and moving. Perhaps, my baby reacted to the loud music. But what surprised me most was my reaction.
The red light was on. I found my left hand slowly leaving the steering wheel then massaged my tummy. As if still discontented, I found myself talking to my unborn child. “You like the music, baby, or too loud for you?” Out of habit perhaps, I reached for the rosary dangling from my rear view mirror and uttered my thanksgiving. Finally, I communicated with my baby. She must have been ecstatic.
The power of hope
I do not want to claim that I had a change of heart. But again, I see hope in me. I pray to Him that I would eventually learn to accept and consider my pregnancy a blessing. And may my family see it as a blessing as well. Our family is growing, and I would be more than happy if this time, the latest and last addition to our family is a girl.
Please accept your pregnancy as a blessing because it is. I would give everything I have just to continue with my second pregnancy. It was not planned as well but we were ecstatic and we had to change our plans for the year. However, I miscarried in January and I was devastated and until now I am still grieving. I pray that you will have a safe pregnancy and a safe delivery as well. Sending virtual hugs to you.
I wouldn’t know for now but I somehow felt the emotions on your writing. Nonetheless, there is always a hope and it is always a blessing to have a baby (planned or not). Praying for a baby girl for you.
I would like to congratulate you first.You are such an amazing lady that you honestly shared your feeling.Sometimes we got perplexed for any unexpected incident.Its natural. But if we courageously handle the situation to welcome a ” baby” who wish to come in this Earth, certainly it will give you heavenly joy.Try to hear… may be its whispering “Mamma show me the sunlight!!”
I always have a bit struggles reading about unplanned pregnancies. Were you sleeping when you had sex?
You’re an adult and you should know better, especially since you’re a mom. I am sorry, don’t want to sound rude or harsh. There are a million women out there trying to get pregnant for years and won’t receive. And you’re almost calling it unwanted.
Sorry but I can’t say anything positive about this topic… It’s probably because I am pregnant myself, and yes that was planned.
This is a very complicated situation. I do not plan on having children, so it is hard for me to relate to personally. There is sadness that comes with having a child that is unplanned and there is sadness that comes with not having children as well. But I can say that I have friends who have gotten pregnant unexpectedly, and they have all come to love their children as much as the ones who were planned, so I’m sure you will too.
Congratulations for a new angel in your home. A baby will always be a blessing because it is God’s gift to you. Not all women are given the opportunity to have one. I sometimes ask myself if I would like to have one in the future but sometimes my fear is more powerful than my want to have a baby. I have witnessed how difficult it is to be a mom and how heavy the responsibility will be if you are already a mom. I am not just sure yet if I can fulfill those responsibilities so I just tell myself that maybe I am destined for another thing.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, Berlin. I like how you call it, unplanned. Maybe, unexpected will also do. Unplanned or planned, your baby is a blessing and you should celebrate it.
Unplanned pregnancy is a big shock and a lot to take in all the more if it’s unwanted. It takes a lot of courage to face it but I know that once that baby is in your hands, love will over flow. I hope you can continue to grow with the baby and love him/her whatever the situation may be.
Well, this is a bittersweet post. For others, they may take this negatively or not in a good way. However, to some, this could be an eye-opener. I agree with Sabine that there are those who have difficulty in conceiving and you are given a little one soon. I can’t seem to relate much since I don’t have a family of my own yet. But, I wish you and your baby well and hoping that it would be a girl this time!
Everything will be ok. Don’t stress yourself too much. Pray, it helps me a lot nung ganyan ding down ako during pregnancy but I let myself do what I love most para hindi mag enter ang negativity. Girl na yan! Tiwala lang! See you soon!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! 🙂 It is such a happy thing and I feel so sorry that you are not so keen. Now that a new member is arriving, accepting wholeheartedly is the best thing to do. Don’t harm the unborn!
Pregnancy is a blessing. I think you should look forward to welcome the new addition to the family. Those 9 months might look stressful but then at the end, it is happiness and love. Whatever difficulties we face, motherhood is the best feeling. God bless. Wishes to you.
Congrats! I hope this time you get a girl para may princess na sa bahay. I’m pretty sure magiging spoiled yan paglabas. 🙂
Congrats mommy! Having my child was not planned too. I was in a 3-year relationship with my son’s father back then when everything got so complicated that I do not know if I should hold on or give up. We both love each other so much but LDR is just very hard. He works abroad. And it’s almost impossible not to have trust issues. I prayed. I prayed to God that if he’s the one for me, blessed us with a child. And yes, I got pregnant when he came home that year. Our son is now turning 3 and we’re very much happy as a family.
No one gets to accept anything unplanned right away. It takes time. Motherhood is still the best thing that will ever happen to a woman. Cheers 🙂
That must have been a shock to hear that there’s another one coming. And it sure will be harder to have two really small ones than one. However I guess there is a bright side when they’ll be couple years older. They can play and chat with each other and you can do other things too. Doesn’t that sound great? I wish you all the best!