“Let me buy you a dress,” was my husband’s plea to me.
We were supposed to visit my doctor for a check up but missed the appointment. Traffic was horrible. Husband led me to the department store and asked me to choose a maternity dress. I told him no need when I saw how much each cost. Then he pleaded. “Let me buy you a dress.”
How to manage male pride
The reason behind the offer
My husband proposed to buy me a dress not because he was irritated hearing me complain about nothing more to wear. He offered because he wants to do it. It makes him feel good on knowing he can provide for his partner. Most men, as I find it, are like that. They equate being needed and providing for that need as a responsibility. Perhaps that was how “Damsel in Distress” came to be.
When I studied Literature in high school, a lot of European fairy tales feature damsels in distress. These were young ladies in trouble and in dire need of a man’s help. Exactly my situation when I can’t open a jar of jam or waiting for my husband to fix a broken light bulb. I could sense he is enjoying the idea that he is needed no matter how simple or complex the situation can be.
Indeed, men take pride in their ability to provide.
The need to be needed
I remember when I told him of my thoughts on resigning from work. His face brightened up. He assured me that we could make it and we would survive. He was waiting for me to come up with that decision and was very pleased to hear it from me finally. Not that he was insecure of my career. He has been supportive of my work. But I must say that somehow, he was a little anxious of my independence. I could almost buy anything I need, and provide for my boys’ needs and wants. I could decide for myself. Â So when sometimes I reach out for his help, he was more than ecstatic. He wanted to feel needed. He dislikes it when he feels I can live completely fine without a need for him.
How to manage male pride
How to manage male pride
Again, ladies. If there is one thing you need to know about dealing with gentlemen, it is how to manage male pride. I have known my husband for 25 years already. We became close because I would run to him for advice. He would help me with my projects concerning drawing and sketching. When we attended college, despite the distance of our homes and schools, he would bring me home. Nevermind if I did not invite him inside the house as my mom was against any kind of relationship at that time. He pursued me for four years. We were sweethearts for more than six years. And we still remain committed as husband and wife for 15 years now. So when yesterday he asked to let him buy me a dress, I obliged.
Let him buy you that dress.
Hello, Berlin!
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haha, my husband also tells me to buy the world kahit wala nang pambili! But seriously, being able to provide for your spouse and children is more than just male pride but their God-given design, which is why it discourages them when their work is not going well. It’s really a longer explanation but there’s this book called Wild at Heart by John Eldredge where the biblical basis of man’s design to provide is touched on. It explains so much about male design that helps men understand why they respond a certain way to certain situations. Captivating by Stacy Eldredge is the one for women. 🙂
My hubby knows that I can fend for myself if I so choose. We struggled with this for some time. Now I know that there are times I have to make him feel I need him. So during those instances that I need his help I really make it a point to tell him.
Honestly, Momi Berlin, I would love to hear that phrase from my husband! Hahaha! But I feel like he has a different kind of perspective. It’s like he wants me to be more independent… I guess… But I agree with that male pride you are talking about. I’ve read it from so many books already and really… Most of the men are like that. Your husband’s gesture is so sweet. It’s not offensive at all. I’ve felt his sincerity for you. <3 Hashtag, kilig!
My husband is very similar to yours. Whenever I open my closet and becomes frustrated because “I have nothing to wear” he will laugh his head off and just tell me to buy new ones. I agree that men need to be needed, so while we are independent and strong women, there will always come a time that we should ask help from our husbands.
That’s something I miss hearing from my husband since he started working abroad! It reminds me also of the time when he sent me extra cash to buy myself a specific gift he would have picked for me himself. Although it was still a sweet gesture, it felt a little weird too… So, enjoy mo lang, Momi Berlin!
I agree with May’s comment too, by the way. 🙂
Haha I laughed because I can relate! I thought my husband was the only one like that, I mean whenever I say “Dapat binili ko na yun eh” he would always respond, “eh bakit hindi mo binili”. Well, I was just being practical naman, kasi hindi naman talaga need yung gusto ko hehehe… Now upon reading your blog post, I think naintindihan ko na hehe 🙂
Being with the father of my child for 4 years, I never heard him said those things to me. Probably that’s the reason why we broke up. I tried to keep up with his pride but at some point I just felt tired and like a piece of shit.
I am grinning reading your post halfway. Its true men needs the feeling of being needed. It boost their esteem and value of theselves. Every ones in awhile, even if you are able – pretend you can’t. He will love you more .
When I ask my hubby that I want this or that, he’ll tell me na ‘Sige bilhin mo.’ Even if it’s not on our budget na. But the thought that your hubby knows what you may want is a trait not all men possess.
We are also high school sweethearts that’s why we know each other’s wants na. Grateful that he supports me always but sometimes I still wanted him to hold me back to such things. Masyado siyang ‘maluwag’. 😀 😀
Anyway, Mommy, enjoy each other’s company. What a great couple! 😉
I think this is what it means when, during the wedding ceremony, the veil is put on top of the woman’s head and the other end on the shoulder of the man. I wouldn’t really think of it as pride but more like it is how it should be – husband taking care of wife and all that. 🙂
I always complain din na wala nakong isusuot (kahit meron) and he would tell me na “sige let’s go sa 168 bili ka”. He bought me my phone and a pair of rubber shoes last year kasi feeling nya kailangan ko na raw dahil ang pangit daw ng rubber shoes ko, luma na. Haha. Maybe I also need to stop complaining kapag stressed ako sa work kasi minsan, sya ang nagiging victim. He feels that he cant provide enough for us kaya I need to work pa. While it’s true na majority of our income is from my job, it’s my choice din naman to work. Kaya when I rant about wanting to stay at home pero di pa pwede for now, he feels bad about himself. I promise to stop doing this or kung mag-open man ako about my work, I will carefully choose my words.
Sometimes my hubby would buy me something and I’ll just say “wag na..”, although deep inside gusto ko din talaga. hehe. pero he knows me so well that he would still buy it for me. And i would smile like a little child, and that would makes him happy too! I guess the fact that our husbands see us happy makes them happier 😉
They pride in providing for the family! I always complain na I don’t like spending for my wants if I didn’t work for the money. But well, SO always insists! So now I def let him spoil me na! 🙂
YES, agree with all your insights. And I share the same experience. My husband loves doing that too.
I guess that’s the thing when you meet your partner with your life, they really uplift you despite anything. Lucky also to hear that the moms I read and know about have loving husbands!
I understand. I used to reject gifts from my husband because there was no need and I felt they were expensive. Now, I just keep accepting whatever it is that he thinks I need without further discussions. 🙂
I totally agree with you on this. I have read the same thing from a psychology book before. To make the relationship works, even if we can afford to get one for ourselves, we should let our partners do the favor sometimes.
Nakaka relate naman ako dito mommy Berlin kasi sometimes i used to reject my husband din kasi nanghihinayang din ako minsan kung ganun lang din kalaki ang magagstos,ganun naman yata talaga talaga sila mya pride kung minsan.
I can totally relate to this. I don’t argue with my husband whenever he wants to buy something for me because I don’t want to hurt his “ego” or spoil the moment.
While my husband lets me buy what I want, I most often decline the offer because I don’t want to add up to our family’s expenses, especially that I’ve been temporarily out of work since summer of 2015. He’s also quite the opposite of your husband because he wants me to do things, especially of things that concern the home, without consulting him, even men stuff, like fixing the bulb. Lol! Different folks, different strokes. I guess we just have to accept them and love them for who they are.
Hubby and I both work but we always make “lambing” from each other. I would ask something for him and I’ll treat him to coffee.
I think men are really designed that way. I used to say “wag na” when husband wants to buy me something but ngayon, I always say yes.. and he seems happy about it.
This post is very timely. I want to buy Britney concert tickets but I didn’t want to spend. He knew it was something I want, I need (being a big fan). He helped provide money to buy my tickets.
Weee. So cute and kind of your husband to do such act. Nakakatouch. IHihi.
My hubby is quite generous as well, even to our kids.
If we women have complexities men have it too. Having to turn down a genuine act of care would break their heart- so you did the right thing.
Aw, I found it sweet! Sana ganyan din asawa ko! Ha Ha Ha But I think every man is different. They show their affections in a different way.
Same here, since I am the one who is handling our finances and I just give hubby allowance there are times that he wants to buy me something and I declined for me kasi savings na lang nya, but still he wants to do it. Para wala gulo I obey na lang.