[tweetshareinline tweet=”Expectation feeds frustration. -Steve Maraboli, life-changing Speaker, bestselling Author, and Behavioral Scientist” username=”IfZgcz8ZKo14VSCu3y8ejhrBGaCG*R!N:1:0″]
My life lately was full of frustration. Perhaps because my expectation was so high. I hoped that my boys would keep their room clean. And I anticipated they would keep the house in pristine condition just the way their mother does it. I also assumed my husband would be extra loving to take care of the cooking while I still regain my strength from my recent Cesarean section.
But I was frustrated. My frustration turned to irritation and rage. And it affected my relationship with my family.
Thank God I was able to realize my bad behavior before it fully robs whatever affection left for me from my boys.
This mom turned their Family Free Wall into a Goal Wall. Written there are her wishes and goals. She encouraged the boys to do the same. Thankfully, they all obliged. Even the husband participated. And when I asked them why the need for such activity, my Second Son answered, “To improve the lifestyle in our house.” My eyes welled up with tears. It confirmed that indeed, we have a problem.
This mother firmly believes that writing down our goals has an advantage over storing every goal in our mind. My boys agreed and even shared with me their thoughts.
Road map to chart our success
This mother does not like her family to suffer and be rational dreamers only. She believes that writing our goals and reading it every day would remind us of our commitment. Those written notes will help us visualize what actions we need in order to achieve our long term and short-term goals.
For instance, my short-term goal for our 2-year-old Little Man is for him to reach 12 kilograms by October. We just had our pedia visit and sadly, he didn’t gain much weight for months. In order to reach that aim, I am committed then to feed him regularly. Food alone is not enough as we need to factor in love and patience, too. Feeding a toddler can be real taxing but again, I am committed to achieving that goal. And that simple writing on the wall is my roadmap to the realization of that commitment.
A reason to start the day
I see myself waking up every day to cook food for the kids, send the boys to school, and look after the two little ones. If time permits, I would clean the house. I would also find time to write and catch up on reading my emails. And for years, it made me struggle. I would always run against time and be frustrated again because I wasn’t able to achieve everything.
But why would I look at it as if I didn’t accomplish anything when at the end of the day, I would always feel tired and say to myself, time isn’t enough to do everything. It is most likely because I do not have concrete reasons to start my day.
With clearly written goals, I can kick start my day instantly. They are displayed for me to read every day and for the boys to read as well and remind me should I be lagging behind.
Easily track our progress
Being aware of our goals, we are constantly reminded of how we will use our day to reach our desired result. We are more conscious in organizing our time wisely and how much time is left for us. Our focus, self-discipline, and determination are put to test and use. By any means we find ourselves off track with regards to the direction we are aiming for, those written commitments are our constant reminder. And since other members of the family are aware of our goals, they can give a loving pat on the back when we are almost nearing our objective or give encouragement to never give up.
Written goals are far more likely completed
I remember when I used to work for a real estate firm as a Marketing Communications Head. We have to submit our Key Result Areas (KRA). These are things we need to fulfill in the achievement of our business goals. The KRA I used to write before is more or less the same with our written goals at home. Jotting our goals down makes a conscious effort in achieving them. It is because the effort itself holds us accountable to our objectives.
The Power of Writing Down Our Goals
I am now slowly learning to manage my expectation. This mother would want to remain happy and positive even in trying circumstances. I try not to be upset as I know being one pushes me to be less patient with everything and everybody. A way I find effective to manage my expectation is to write down our goals and let the family be aware of each other’s objectives.
As it turns out, this simple experiment seems to be working. As yet, I see its huge impact on transforming our goals into a reality.
I never thought of writing down a list with my goals. However, I did notice that writing down things in lists is very beneficial, especially during the weekend. For example, I would write down all the things I want to accomplish during the weekend and I actually manage to finish them if I have a list. And it’s really nice to cut them off the list once finished.
Great idea as well, Joanna.
I always find myself making goals but I tend to forget about it especially if it’s just in my head. I guess writing it down is a constant reminder for me to achieve it. I think putting it in writing is a good practice. I should start doing it. Thanks for making me realize this. First step to start achieving my small goals.
Yup, writing those goals in a paper is the first step and as they say, the rest is history. Good luck and hope we maintain this.
I also like writing my goals. 🙂 Then, I check my progress. Some of the goals I had at the start of the year is to save money and to write my blessings on post it notes. Thank God that I’m still able to fulfill these commitments. My other goals included once a quarter vacations with my family and once a quarter field trips. So far, we’ve done more than one in the past 3 quarters. 🙂
Nice to know that, Ms. Teresa. Sometimes when we were able to do a thing or two from our list, the more it gives us the push to do more. Hurray for writing our goals down.
Thanks to this, I have an idea what to do when my son turns a bit old. But I have the same frustration with you right now mommy. It’s just that, it’s not my son (he’s just a year old), it is my husband, who’s building my rage and disappointment. It’s also about cleaning the house, among other things. It may sound petty, but it is so true that my patience was instantly turned into rage because of my tiredness. If I know I can do so many things, I won’t really ask for much needed help. But I do get tired. I also still have the regular office work to do most of the time. I feel I am working for a big family here where in fact, we’re just 3.
You are not alone. I feel you. My husband and I were brought up very differently. I grew up in a household where cleanliness is given great importance. We always see to it that our table is sparkling clean. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in an environment wherein one needs to bring food to the table first before cleaning it. Different priorities and different upbringing may sometimes be our reason for our frustration. But then we still opt to live life – or I still opt to live life because of the children. Sometimes, even if I am so angry, I would just shut the door so I wouldn’t see the mess. That’s the beauty sometimes of doors – to let us not see what is behind those messy rooms.
I used to write down my goals during student days. But after that phase of life just forgot about it. Your post is a good wake up call for me. I admire how your boy understands that written goals improve lifestyle. I am taking this up seriously.
Great expectations can indeed be tricky. That’s something that used to happen to me. I used to expect too much of everything I do, and once the things don’t go the right way, my frustration becomes as great as the expectations were before. However, during the years, I learned to be more realistic, and to set my goals carefully.
You probably have had so many things on your mind, and your family seemed not to help you, at least in your own eyes. However, I am glad you got better and you got your family relationship back to normal. 🙂
I admire the idea of writing down goals to achieve one’s purpose. We haven’t made it in our family yet. But when it comes to goals, we just usually say it to one another verbally. Mom does that most of the times. On the other hand, I love my goals to be written down than to tell it personally with my family.
glad you are doing such thing Momi Berlin, it really helps a lot of realizing our goals. I feel sad reading the first part knowing you have gone through such frustration, but, I feel proud of what it has turned into a positive one. Like you said, writing those goals had made a huge impact. What I am also doing is I tend to check my goals reminding me whenever I am extremely out of balance. hahaha.. it all happens. Thanks for sharing.
The power of writing down anything is far to extensive. Not only that it allows you to remember almost anything you write but it allows you to even be more productive than ever. Writing down goals is a step closer to achieving it. Somehow, it makes us realize that even if we write it on a scratch paper, we are determined to rewrite it on a clean sheet following the steps on how to reach it.
This reminds me of going back to my goal list. Incidentally, I noticed that for the recent days I havent really checked on my personal goals since I have been busy with work. I have some personal projects as well which I need to monitor the status. I love how you shared candidly your thoughts in this post MomiBerlin.
I have a small post-it-note pad that contains all my scribbles or targets. The moment one thought strikes me, immediately I commit it to the note-pad. Helps me track my goals. I hope all of us follow this rigmarole.
What an amazing idea! Definitely gonna motivate you all the time. I have something similar but it’s in my planner hehe just a small list of goals for 2017 ☺
It is powerful because it holds you to it. I also have a calendar of goals where I incorporate my kids goals and needs. I think it’s what gives me the drive and energy to accomplish what I need to accomplish. You’re right about the frustration! I also feel the same way sometimes. Though I’m not the suffer in silence type so I let my kids know what’s on my mind. I feel bad afterwards though and I think they know that. What I love is even when I’m so angry and I get so mad at them their feelings toward me never falter. They just think to themselves “Mom’s having a bad day.” 🙂
Ow, I would want my boys too to realize that despite me nagging them, they will just think mom’s having a bad day. Thanks for introducing that thought to me. Will work on that.