I am in a state of sudden depression, surrounding my thoughts with discontent and sadness.
This mother assumed it would be over last week but the uneasiness keeps haunting me until now. I stress myself too much over some work-related issues that they nag me even in my sleep and is still nagging me now.
husband bringing sunshine to gloomy days
I could not tell husband nor my kids the thing that doomed me last week and that is still pressing me down. I keep everything to myself and let this hurting feeling enslaves me completely. To free myself from this slavery, I did a lot of cleaning in the house. One late evening while I was washing the plates and pots, husband uttered the most comforting words ever —
“You’ve done too much for the day. Please, take a rest and leave what’s left to me.” I felt appreciated and loved.
bestfriend bringing sunshine to gloomy days
Last night, I met a dear friend and unburdened my heart. She also gave me a bag full of sweets and chips (treasures that simply delight us). Maybe she felt my pain so much that she even told stories like the I-have-no-slippers-then-I-met-someone-without-legs types. I felt a little hope and told myself the usual pat-on-the-back advice “try to live a full life despite obstacles… these problems would further shape you into a better person…”
son bringing sunshine to gloomy days
I was home late that night. After checking all the boys’ assignments and books, I went to the kitchen to prepare what I will be needing for my early morning cooking. My Second Son came near me and told me, “I could always lend my hand to you, mama. May I help you?”
God is indeed good. He could rock my world in a way that would leave me in a dark place of unhappiness. But He works otherwise. At work, my ego is all battered. But God gives me hope. He calls for my family and best friends to lift me up and let me feel loved and cared for — to make me believe in myself again and rise from this depression… hopefully soon.
* November 12, 2013. Some writings on my journal which I find worth the share. There are indeed times I feel so depressed and yet God is indeed good. He will always balance things. If I feel all battered and alone, there will always be somebody who would offer comfort. It has always been that way and will always be. Perhaps because my faith in Him makes life still worth living.