I was told at my 11 weeks and 1 day age of gestation that my baby was no longer developing. She stopped developing at 9 weeks and 1 day. She had no more heartbeat and her color already changed.
I never had an idea that the baby I am carrying was already dead.
My doctor called it missed abortion.
We just came from a happy event — firstborn’s recognition. We went to Trinoma to celebrate and get the family painting we have been sooo longing to hang on our wall.
I felt so wet that I asked my family to wait for me. I just need a minute to go check on myself in the restroom. I saw my underwear and supportive shorts soaking in blood. Then I felt like I was peeing blood.
We rushed to The Medical City and proceeded at the pre-labor room. The attending physician tried using a doppler to hear the baby’s heartbeat. She complained and requested for new batteries for her doppler. Her assistant requested for a new doppler from the delivery room. Again, the attending physician complained that the doppler from the delivery room was not functioning well. They got new batteries and again used the doppler to detect my baby’s heartbeat. None. She assured me that sometimes, they could not hear any heartbeat with a doppler until about 10 weeks or possibly later.
She then requested for an ultrasound. I could see the image of my tiny baby on the sonogram screen. There was no quick pounding or constant flashing of the baby’s heartbeat. And after a few minutes, the attending physician requested her assistant to call for husband.
That confirmed my fear.
The baby died inside my womb at 9 weeks and 1 day.
My OB Gyne opted for us to wait for a miscarriage to progress naturally with her regular monitoring than me undergoing an induced abortion. When asked until when to wait, she mentioned having a patient once who had missed abortion, too, last November. They waited till January.
I may be given medication to help complete a miscarriage — some pills to help me contract faster to expel the fetus.
And the fastest surgical treatment available is the d&c procedure. d&c stands for dilation and curettage wherein the cervix is dilated and the uterus is suctioned to remove the fetus.
Husband and I agreed that we do it naturally. I told myself that I could bear the long wait. My mother wanted otherwise. She feared that I might get infection or be poisoned.
I do not know. Our OB Gyne reassured us that the baby will do no harm to me or to my body.
And to you, my baby, we haven’t met yet. But I know that you grew inside my womb. And I know we have already formed a bond; it may sound weird but I felt the bond. I was so excited to finally hold you, christen you, and play with you.
And now, it was so painful. I was so disheartened. I felt like I was not given the chance to know you fully. We never had the chance to hear each other’s voice and feel each other’s touch.
But you will forever be my Isabella, God’s promise.
I love you, my baby. We will do it naturally. We will wait. And in many years to come, we will be together. Wait for me. Not yet today, though-
* I had missed abortion three years ago. It was also April when we learned of that. Our already dead baby stayed inside my womb for another two months and then I was able to give birth to our unborn baby through the natural process.
Now, I am blessed with a healthy baby boy. God is good indeed. He will restore everything we lost (Deuteronomy 30:3-13).
Devoted. Compassionate, Instinctive. Berlin loves to write personal narratives, thrilling discoveries, and mommy tips that make daily living the happiest. She shares the small house with her husband and their five boys.