BABY DIARIES/ week 11 and day 3: missed aboRtion

Apr 12, 2016 | Only Berlin

I  was told at my  11 weeks and 1 day age of gestation that my baby was no longer developing.  She stopped developing at  9 weeks and 1 day.  She had no more heartbeat and her color already changed.

I never had an idea that the baby I am carrying was already dead.

My doctor called it missed abortion.

We just came from a happy event — firstborn’s recognition.  We went to Trinoma to celebrate and get the family painting we have been sooo longing to hang on our wall.

I felt so wet that I asked my family to wait for me. I just need a minute to go check on myself in the restroom.  I saw my underwear and supportive shorts soaking in blood. Then I felt like I was peeing blood.

We rushed to The Medical City and proceeded at the pre-labor room.  The attending physician tried using a doppler to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  She complained and requested for new batteries for her doppler.  Her assistant requested for a new doppler from the delivery room.  Again, the attending physician complained that the doppler from the delivery room was not functioning well.  They got new batteries and again used the doppler to detect my baby’s heartbeat.   None.  She assured me that sometimes, they could not hear any heartbeat with a doppler until about 10 weeks or possibly later.

She then requested for an ultrasound.  I could see the image of my tiny baby on the sonogram screen.  There was no quick pounding or constant flashing of the baby’s heartbeat.  And after a few minutes, the attending physician requested her assistant to call for  husband.

That confirmed my fear.

The baby died inside my womb at 9 weeks and 1 day.

My OB Gyne opted for us to wait for a miscarriage to progress naturally with her regular monitoring than me undergoing  an induced abortion.  When asked until when to wait, she mentioned having a patient once who had missed abortion, too, last November. They waited till January.

Other options:

I may be given medication  to help complete a miscarriage — some pills to help me contract faster to expel the fetus.

And the fastest surgical treatment available is the d&c procedure.  d&c stands for dilation and curettage wherein the cervix is dilated and the uterus  is suctioned to remove the fetus.

Husband and I agreed that we do it naturally.  I told myself that I could bear the long wait.  My mother wanted otherwise.  She feared that I might get infection or be poisoned.

I do not know.  Our OB Gyne reassured us that the baby will do no harm to me or to my body.

And to you, my baby,  we haven’t met yet.  But I know that you grew inside my womb. And I know we have already formed a bond; it may sound weird but I felt the bond.  I was so excited to finally hold you, christen you, and play with you.

And now, it was so painful. I was so disheartened.   I felt like I was not given the chance to know you fully.  We never had the chance to hear each other’s voice and feel each other’s touch.

But you will forever be my Isabella, God’s promise.

I love you, my baby.  We will do it naturally.  We will wait.  And in many years to come, we will be together.  Wait for me.   Not yet today, though-

* I had missed abortion three years ago.   It was also April when we learned of that.   Our already dead baby stayed inside my womb for another two months and then I was able to give birth to our unborn baby through the natural process.  

Now, I am blessed with a healthy baby boy.  God is good indeed.  He will restore everything we lost (Deuteronomy 30:3-13).

31 Comments

  1. Rose Dalisay Jiao

    I keep you in my prayers, Berlin. My heart goes so much for you. Trust in God and seek Him more than anything even if His purpose is veiled for now. Take care of yourself, your family.

    Reply
  2. msbolin

    thank you, Rose. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Nimi Popat

    I had tears reading your story.. It must have been so painful for you. You are really great for doing that. And I am glad you have a healthy baby now. Hope you all stay healthy and together forever. God bless you 🙂

    Reply
    • msbolin

      Thank you for the well wishes. I wish for your family the same good health. 🙂

      Reply
  4. Nilyn_ECM

    oh sis, so sorry to hear about all this. I can only imagine how shocking this is. Good is good indeed! I admire how look at this positively sis. ♥

    Reply
    • msbolin

      🙂 God is good indeed. He blesses us with a new baby.

      Reply
  5. Mitchikels of Nostalgic Momma

    Mommy, I know that no words will ever give you comfort from the sadness you are in right now. I am crying as I read through your post as I can still recall the time that I have almost lost my baby too due to fatigue and restlessness from work. I was put into bed rest. That was also during my first trimester of pregnancy. God is good that He let us surpass the challenge…

    I feel sorry but I know you will get through this. Indeed, God will replace everything you have lost. And everything happens for a reason. God bless you and your family. I will pray for you. Rest well and take care of yourself. *virtual hugs*

    Reply
  6. Charley's Mommy

    Mommy, i dunno how to say, but am sending u my virtual hug. I had a spontaneous abortion a year before i had Charley. Yes, in God’s perfect timing talaga. 🙂

    Reply
    • msbolin

      Amen to God’ perfect timing 🙂

      Reply
  7. Cheanne

    I am so sorry to hear/read about this. 🙁 Hugs to you…
    I wonder what causes such things? Is there a medical reason for it?

    Reply
    • msbolin

      I was told the fetus stopped developing / growing daw before reaching its 13th weeks. 🙂 thank you for the hugs 🙂

      Reply
  8. Maan Laxa

    Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear that. My mum also suffered a miscarriage — their baby before me — and until now, she’s still in our prayers. For now, just take care of yourself while you recover. 🙂

    Reply
    • msbolin

      Thank you. Its been three year and we are now enjoying the company of our new baby boy )

      Reply
  9. Ayi

    I am sorry to hear this. My heart and prayers go to you and your baby. For sure, God has a better plan for you and your family.

    Reply
    • msbolin

      Yes, God indeed us better plan and He blessed us with a new baby 🙂 thank you.

      Reply
  10. rollcoastermom

    Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. I know exactly how you feel. I lost a baby too back in 2006. I was only 13 weeks pregnant. I was in extreme pain and blood was really gushing out. I opted for a d&c because that was the only choice given to me. To this day, I get scared it might happen again especially since I’m pregnant now. I’m now on my 16th week though so I’m praying everything will go smoothly until I give birth. The pain of losing a child is something you’ll never forget but I’m happy to know though that you were blessed with another baby after. More blessings to you and your family. 🙂

    Reply
    • msbolin

      Bless your family, too. And I will include that in our prayers that you have a safe delivery. Yes, you’ve met my baby na- Yael. He joined us at the Smart Parenting.

      Reply
  11. Arlene Tingson

    I’m so sorry to hear about this, sis. It’s touching that you see God’s promises and revelations to you despite everything. Thank God for His beautiful plans. Our Father is proud of you.

    Reply
    • msbolin

      Yes, indeed thank you Lord for the beautiful plan. It was disheartening at first but we are enjoying the joys of having a baby because of that pains of yesterday.

      Reply
  12. Louisa Mercado

    So sorry to hear this. I’ve miscarried myself at an earlier stage and it was heartbreaking.

    Reply
    • msbolin

      We both now have angels looking after us 🙂

      Reply
  13. mumwrites (@vixquips)

    Losing a child, in whatever stage of pregnancy, is utterly heartbreaking. It is inconsolable Our condolences mum, be strong. I will include you and your angel, Isabella, in my prayers.

    Reply
  14. Dane

    🙁 sadly.. Be strong sis! God has reasons why this happened.

    Reply
    • msbolin

      Thank you. I believe so, too

      Reply
  15. Peachy @ The Peach Kitchen

    I also had to undergo d&c in 2014, a day after moving into our new home. I know how heart shattering it is.. 🙁

    Reply
    • msbolin

      Hugs to you, too. Sometimes there are things in life we simply cannot understand why. But we just need to trust in Him and wait for an exciting surprise.

      Reply
  16. Mommy Levy

    Hugs mommy. You have babies in heaven looking after you.

    Reply
    • msbolin

      Yes, our angel is now beside the Lord 🙂

      Reply
    • msbolin

      🙁 but God is good because He gifted you with children after. You have such a beautiful daughter. I always wish for one but God much have wanted me to be the only girl in our family.

      Reply

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