MOMI LEARNS| With love, change is possible

Aug 25, 2017 | Life, Likes, Love, Only Berlin

Uy wag mong murahin. Linisin mo na lang hehe.  (Don’t curse.  Clean the mess.) Told you he won’t change overnight or he won’t change period. Either you will accept, adjust, or kill yourself with anger.

Instead of properly addressing my concern, I turned to a friend to complain. Of course, she can’t do anything than comfort me.  Perhaps comfort is what I need the most more than change.  After all, they all say that you can’t train old dog new tricks.

I do not know how to put it nicely.  I do not feel being nice either-

My husband grew up giving importance to putting food on the table first than cleaning the table.  He isn’t at all bothered with any mess around.

I, on the other hand, grew up seeing my grandmother clean the house.  She would even use isis plant to clean those wooden chairs.  I also grew up seeing my mother put great importance to cleanliness.

So when I went home to a very messy house after my three-week stay at my mom’s place, I would want to shout.

I couldn’t confront my husband for not keeping the house in pristine condition.  Instead, I washed the plates and gently scrubbed the bathroom tiles.  I asked the boys to change bed sheets and curtains.  Then I went upstairs and cried.  I texted my friend and cried to her.

Uy wag mong murahin. Linisin mo na lang hehe.  (Don’t curse.  Clean the mess.) Told you he won’t change overnight or he won’t change period. Either you will accept, adjust, or kill yourself with anger.

You can’t change a man

And so it’s true.  Marrying someone and hoping he would change is wrong.  He won’t change at all unless he wants the change.  But most likely, he wouldn’t change at all.

Many wives perhaps are living in great hopes to see changes in their spouses.  And that frustrates them because, despite the pain, their husbands remain the same.

Honestly, a guy will never change even if he sees his wife suffer. What would initiate his change is his own discomfort.  The very same reason that I do not confront him anyway.   He will just most likely endure my verbal outburst and live life.  I would want him to realize he is hurting me, but then my silence is only hurting me more. I once confronted him and we had a big fight.

Accept, adjust or kill yourself with anger

Obviously, there are things I can’t change and even force. The options are either to accept or adjust.  Or perhaps kill myself with anger.  The very things my friend relayed to me.

Then, as I tell these things repeatedly to myself, I have come to realize that these options are not just what I am aiming for.  I want change and the greatest change I need is a change of viewpoint.

Change of viewpoint

Every person has his ways on how he sees things.  And these are formed based on his experiences and how he was brought up.  My husband and I grew up differently.  Our parents must have influenced us greatly but as we live life, we learn what is morally right.  We’ve come to distinguish love from indifference.  We learn what acceptance is and what adjustment can do.

I still believe that with love, everything is possible.  I just need to change my viewpoint of my husband.  That with some sweet requests, he may perhaps give in to my request to at least clean the stove after cooking or scrub the bathroom tiles somehow, and even turn off the television when about to sleep.  He, after all, would always tell me to –

Do things that move you to love.

With love, change is possible

I need to let go first of the past in order for me to accept and not just adjust to life.  And that I should remain optimistic that change is possible.  I could create the future I want because again, with love, change is possible.

6 Comments

  1. Michi

    As the quote says, “Love means that you accept a person with all their failures, stupidities, ugly points and nonetheless, you see perfection in imperfection itself.” Yes, we cannot force someone to change but it doesn’t mean that people will never change. In time, they will change for the better because of love. 🙂

    Reply
    • momiberlin

      yes, i always believe in love and in hoping for change because of love. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Tipid Mommy

    I strongly agree. Because marriage is having two different individuals with different backgrounds – it takes a lot of patience sis ano to adjust and accept their habits.. Pero sabi nga Love is Patient and Love is Kind..

    Reply
    • momiberlin

      i love it talaga kapag naririnig ko love is patient and love is kind. it reminds me to speak and act the same. thanks for reminding me.

      Reply
  3. Above Precious Rubies

    Yes, change is definitely possible as long as the person has a willing heart to change. I remember Dane tuloy, haha. Although there are a few things that I wish to change about him, di naman major pero I realize I’m sure may mga ugali din ako na gusto nyang mabago pero inaaccept nya nalang. lol. So win-win nalang kami. Tanggap nalang. lol.

    Reply
    • momiberlin

      Sometimes we would think we need to change a person but then when we look at things closely, perhaps it is us who should be needing change. that change may somehow be helpful to influence our loved one to make the change as well. daming change. ehehee.

      Reply

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Motherhood, as I live it, is a gift not everyone can appreciate until she learns to truly live it. More musings and realizations, fun discoveries, and mommy tips at Momi Berlin's blog.

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