“Aray!” I shouted. I looked down and my loud voice just stunned my 10-year-old boy. He did not know what to do as he just hit my leg with the toaster oven tray. He was toasting some bread.
Out of anger, I told him not to come near me. “You know how little space we have. I am cooking! You should have waited for your turn.”
We ate breakfast in silence.
A day after that, the boys were all dressed up for the church. I saw a long line scar on my Big Bunso’s arm. I asked him where he got it. He told me, “When I hit your leg the other day, I hit myself with the tray, too.” Then he gave me a weak smile.
I looked down on my left leg. The red long line became a long ugly blister, same as my son’s. I would want to hug my boy but I was so ashamed of my reaction yesterday. I yelled at him for his carelessness, feeling like a helpless victim of an irresponsible boy. Yet it happened to him as well and he just kept the feeling of hurt, fear and perhaps sorrow all by himself. And he is just 10 years old.
I excused myself. I reasoned out I need to feed our baby. There inside our room, I cried. How insensitive! I got so angry yesterday that I did not even check on my son if he got hurt as well. Surely with the ear-splitting shout that morning, he must have been startled and unintentionally hurt himself, too.
This morning, I put some scar gel on my son’s arm. I hugged him and said my sorry. I believe it will not make me an ineffective mom if I ask for forgiveness. And next time, I promise myself to make a conscious effort to practice staying calm. That realization when I said things I wish I haven’t is just too unbearable. But more than that, the maturity my son displayed is such a slap in my face. Another lesson learned by this 30plus mom from her 10-year old son.