MOMI LEARNS/ on scar and forgiveness

Jun 8, 2016 | Only Berlin

“Aray!” I shouted. I looked down and my loud voice just stunned my 10-year-old boy.  He did not know what to do as he just hit my leg with the toaster oven tray. He was toasting some bread.

Out of anger, I told him not to come near me. “You know how little space we have. I am cooking! You should have waited for your turn.”

We ate breakfast in silence.


A day after that, the boys were all dressed up for the church. I saw a long line scar on my Big Bunso’s arm. I asked him where he got it. He told me, “When I hit your leg the other day, I hit myself with the tray, too.” Then he gave me a weak smile.

I looked down on my left leg. The red long line became a long ugly blister, same as my son’s. I would want to hug my boy but I was so ashamed of my reaction yesterday. I yelled at him for his carelessness, feeling like a helpless victim of an irresponsible boy. Yet it happened to him as well and he just kept the feeling of hurt, fear and perhaps sorrow all by himself. And he is just 10 years old.

I excused myself. I reasoned out I need to feed our baby. There inside our room, I cried. How insensitive!  I got so angry yesterday that I did not even check on my son if he got hurt as well. Surely with the ear-splitting shout that morning, he must have been startled and unintentionally hurt himself, too.

This morning, I put some scar gel on my son’s arm.  I hugged him and said my sorry.  I believe it will not make me an ineffective mom if I ask for forgiveness.   And next time, I promise myself to make a conscious effort to practice staying calm.  That realization when I said things I wish I haven’t is just too unbearable. But more than that, the maturity my son displayed is such a slap in my face.  Another lesson learned  by this 30plus mom from her 10-year old son.

35 Comments

  1. mariaisquixotic

    I can’t help but shed some tears while reading this post. I understood you why you reacted that way but I also felt for your son who just kept mum about his injury on his arm. Maybe he thought you were just going through some stress so he did not bother you. You are really a great mom. Apologizing to your son and talking to him. 🙂

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Thank you for feeling me and also understanding my boy. Its my mistake and i hope It will never happen again. I dont want my boy to fear me.

      Reply
      • mariaisquixotic

        I’m sure that he won’t, he may just got shocked why you acted that way. We’re all humans, we make mistakes. 🙂

        Reply
        • momi berlin

          Thank you for such kind words. Yup, we make mistakes and i hope not to make mistakes again when my boys are involved. I love them and i dont want them to fear me ever.

          Reply
  2. ROBERT LEE

    OUCH Berlin. I feel you! Shucks pati ako parang na teary eye. I know the feeling kasi me too, I have hidden myself many times in the past to cry because of … guilty feelings…

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      I hope we seldom feel that guilt na. I am trying hard to be a patient and loving mom to my boys. And i pray always that God grant me that wish.

      Reply
  3. Janine Ella

    Awww sobrang na touch din ako! I can’t imagine a 10-year old boy thinking like that. I’m a mom too and reading your words made me ache as well. I have a 3-year old boy and sobrang kulit at hindi pa nakikinig kaya most of the time, nasisigawan ko at napapalo. 🙁 I will do my best na hindi ko na sya masaktan. Ayokong matakot at lumayo ang loob nya sa akin 🙁

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Yes, that’s my fear, too. i do not like my boys to fear me and pretend to be busy upstairs or inside a room so as not to share a common room with their mom. Thats what I did when I was growing up. I do not want my boys to do the same to me.

      Reply
  4. Dominic

    Hi Berlin. All I can say is, OUCH! I feel you and I can relate with you. I feel I have little patience especially when someone crosses my line. So when I read your story, I can’t help but feel, sad and ashamed too for not checking out if the other party was hurt or not.

    But I’m glad though that you and your son are okay now.

    http://thetopknotters.com

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Yes, my son is so forgiving. He would even approach me to say sorry first even if its my fault. He is such a loving and humble man.

      Reply
  5. Mrs_Daaku

    I can relate to this. While I do not have kids, there have been times when I sorta raised my voice with my mom and regretted it later. Apologised for it. Its a part of life where you keep learning and improving yourself. I practice staying calm and it helps. You are a wonderful mother!

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      That’s what i need to learn. To practice staying calm. And ow, thank you for the wonderful mother compliment.

      Reply
  6. Jessica Ayun

    Aray ko, Mommy Berlin! Ang sakit po sa mata; nakakaiyak. I am not a mother but I could feel the scars physically but more emotionally. You really have a great son! 🙂

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Super loving and understanding considering he is just 10yo.

      Reply
  7. Samantha Coronado (@followyouroad)

    This is so heartwarming. I’ve been learning a lot about vulnerability lately, and yes it involves owning up to mistakes. Life will be too short to have many silent breakfasts. And your son will learn how to handle fits of anger next time.

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Yes, i agree. Breakfast should be shared happily. Hope this incident will never happen again. Patience and power pause on my side.

      Reply
  8. travelerettenyc

    Don’t feel bad! There was no way you could have known! And your little boy is fine. I’ve definitely yelled at students for he wrong reasons before. It’s just part of being around kids.

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Thank you for comforting my broken soul. It may be perhaps the usual initial reaction expected of us but still i should have been more considerate. Nway, surely a lesson learned.

      Reply
  9. Joie M Gahum

    I believe that being a mother is a continuous process. I still get angry and I do sometimes lose control when the kids go crazy. As long as we are learning from our mistakes and we try to be better parents than what we did yesterday, the journey of being a mom continuous.

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Yup, our journey as a mom continuous and its accepting our mistakes and making sure to learn from that are what would make that journey beautiful.

      Reply
  10. ayawillgoplaces

    This post kinda makes me emotional for some reasons. Moms tend to also hit their last amount of patience. Maybe youre just being stressed or having a bad morning thats why you reacted that way. I believe though that such mistakes doesnt make you a bad mom. Nakakatuwa lang how you son handled it.

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Yes, he has always been a gentleman even to his mama.

      Reply
  11. Zwitsy

    Don’t worry mommy, we all go through that. I, myself, sometimes, find it difficult to control my patience particularly pag nagiging makulit na. But I like how your son responded to your anger the time he unintentionally hit you. Masusurprise na lang tlga tayo how they manage things and we get to learn from it.

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Yes, as a parent, I learn a lot from
      my boys. They have such high EQ and patience and perhaps love and respect to their parents.

      Reply
  12. ASKSonnie

    It made me teary eyed, bec. all of us (parents) has been and will be in that situation. And there were occasions wherein our kids display better handling of the situation. It’s a brave and the right thing for you to say sorry to your son. And keep that as a family culture, the family will need all that humility, specially when kids are in their late mid to late teens.

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Thank you for the affirmation. Yes, there are times Kids can handle situations better than adults.

      Reply
  13. Postcard Pretty

    Even if we’re already adults and parents, we’re not perfect too. We’re all human, after all. Sometimes, we forget that we can also learn from the little ones, especially on acts of love and kindness. Your boy was so sweet!

    Reply
  14. PiaDy

    I was very moved by this story. What a brave little boy your son is. We all have moments where emotions get the best of us- i really hope you don’t have any lingering feelings of guilt. i still think you’re an excellent mom. I really admire how you were able to say sorry so humbly and without hesitation. Love that relationship that you have with your kids:)

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Having a good relationship with my boys is the only thing i could give them as i have no work to shower them with needs and wants. Thank you for the kind words.

      Reply
  15. Marge Gavan

    I think you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. First of all, it was a natural reaction, you were hurt and you just responded instinctively to it. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are already insensitive. But I’m happy with the part that you said sorry to your son. Some parents don’t do that.

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Thank you. I just don’t want my boys to fear me and hate me for being an ill tempered mama. But yes, perhaps its spur of the moment reaction. Thank you again for making me feel lighter.

      Reply
  16. den

    It’s okay to be mad, it’s okay to have your off days. I know sometimes we feel guilty when we get mad for little things but we are humans and we feel pain, sadness, off days. Hugs to you. We all make mistakes, but what is important is that you hugged it out. 🙂

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Thank you for the kind words. Read your post on its ok to be not ok. Can really relate. Thanks again.

      Reply
  17. Ginoel Orejo

    This really reminded me of a similar experience with my mother. Sometimes children are the one’s who unknowingly teach adults. They see things clearly and act without pretension. You sound like an amazing mom.

    Reply
    • momi berlin

      Thank you for that. But truly, we adults learn from the little ones.

      Reply

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