Our house was surrounded by clutter and dust and all I did was turn a blind eye to them all. Perhaps, the same thing my boys did. Instead of cleaning, I passed the responsibility to my children. I always have my baby and toddler as an excuse. But despite the nagging, they just can do what their little hands can. Many times, I felt demotivated with all the mess. Surely, it did affect my boys, too.
It was his mother’s birthday. He woke up early, brought the trash outside the house, and left. He went home after two hours and went back to bed.
Same thing happened the other week when they didn’t have an internet connection. He would tell his mother he needs to go to the nearest computer shop to finish an assignment. Only for several times his grandmother or brother would fetch him, and he would always be home ill-tempered.
It was the same situation for a month or two now. After school, he would change clothes then set up his laptop and act as if doing his assignment. Only that he was just playing real hard. He would even go to the nearest convenience store to load a P300 game card his mother can’t even understand and remember the name.
I give up!
That was my loud wail. I left husband sitting on the kitchen counter too stunned to even say a word. I closed our bedroom door and cried.
On Giving up
This mother felt too exhausted. With the many household chores, school activities, and writing commitment, l just wanted my alone time. But with an active toddler and a needy infant to feed and take care of, it seems my desire to have my peace can’t possibly happen.
So I just cried. I stayed in the bedroom the whole day.
I said yes to an event in BGC knowing I have a car to use. Unfortunately, Franco (our Ford Focus) failed me that day. Husband decided to accompany his wife as I have SumoSam with me as well.
The gathering lasted for about an hour and a half. It wrapped up by 5 pm. We got caught in the after-office rush hour. After almost an hour of waiting for a cab, Grab or Uber, we finally got a kind taxi driver to at least bring us outside BGC.
EDSA was jam-packed. We walked towards Guadalupe with high hopes we could at least use the train to reach home. Though our weary steps may falter, it was our determination to be home that pushed us to go further. I walked faster than my husband, wanting to reach the MRT station in no time. Our Sumosam is getting heavy to carry, too. Then husband heard a loud car horn from behind. He didn’t mind until the driver gestured to husband to hop in. We went inside the kind soul’s car thinking he was one of the organizers of the event we attended just recently. But we were wrong.
I got a private message from an old high school classmate. We haven’t talked for years and the last time we’ve seen each other was on our graduation day. Thus it hit me hard when she messaged me one Wednesday morning.
Classmate: Hi, Berlin
Berlin: Hello, good morning.
Classmate: Berlin… I know it is very uncalled for… I wanted to seek a little help sana… pls don’t tell joema ha… (she is also my husband’s friend)
My two-year-old son can be real energetic that often when I am busy beating deadlines, he would act so unreasonable and would want my attention. That is how I would describe him -unreasonable and uncooperative. However, it isn’t him but me acting unreasonable and unaccommodating. He is just a kid and obviously, he loves to play and he would want to include his mother in his pretend play. How insensitive can I be?
There are instances as well when he would again sit beside me and after a few minutes urge me to go to bed. And I would again think he is acting so unreasonable and uncooperative. I need to finish a deadline and yet here is the little kiddo disturbing me. Shame on you, Berlin for thinking of that! He just wants to sleep because it’s way past his bedtime and you are still there burning the midnight oil.
– Tom Robbins, Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas
Generosity is given freely, perhaps out of love, compassion or pretense. Whatever the reason, there should be no strings attached nor expectations.
Last Saturday, we went to our Pediatrician. The boys had their monthly check up and vaccine. On our way, there were two beggars who knocked on our car window. Husband got something from his bag, handed it to Firstborn who was seated by his side, and asked him to give the money to the beggar.
Firstborn had hesitations giving the money. Because for him, the amount was just too big to give as alms. Husband though urged his son, thus Firstborn reluctantly handed the P100 bill to the beggar.
Uy wag mong murahin. Linisin mo na lang hehe. (Don’t curse. Clean the mess.) Told you he won’t change overnight or he won’t change period. Either you will accept, adjust, or kill yourself with anger.
Instead of properly addressing my concern, I turned to a friend to complain. Of course, she can’t do anything than comfort me. Perhaps comfort is what I need the most more than change. After all, they all say that you can’t train old dog new tricks.
I do not know how to put it nicely. I do not feel being nice either-
My husband grew up giving importance to putting food on the table first than cleaning the table. He isn’t at all bothered with any mess around.
Why is it so easy for us humans to mistake silence for indifference? Or at least to this mother.
I have been acting too harsh for months now. And I am blaming hormonal imbalance as the culprit. I stay inside our room for hours. I only go down when I need to pee. And often, I would be irritated because the house is in a mess. I would demand the boys to clean the house pronto!
I also felt the silence of my boys whenever I am around. They seldom joke around. They whisper instead of talking loud. I felt the silence.
And I accused them of being so uncaring and indifferent. Why can’t they understand my pain?
They say, forgive and forget. Though hard, I would always pray that I find it in my heart to forgive those who hurt me. I do not know if I was able to do that already as I would still feel uneasy whenever I am with the person I would rather choose not to see. But what I am certain is this – Letting go of anger and bitterness can work wonders. Not only for my outlook but for my health as well. Not to mention the relationship I have with that person.
However, the recent story we read about the Man and the Serpent taught us otherwise. It said, forgive but not forget.